Birchbox Man August 2012 Review

Are you a gal checking this out to see if the man in your life would like Birchbox Man or any of the products supplied in this month’s delivery? If so, go and get that man and have him read this installment of my review. You can read it too, but don’t yell at me if he ends up looking at videos of Sports Illustrated models.

Good day, kind sir! So your lady told you to read this and let her know what you think. We’ll get to that. But first, what do we really think of Kate Upton?

Oh, your lady is still around? Aw, sorry about that. Okay, back to business.

1. Oribe Ultra Gentle Shampoo and Conditioner

   I know, you don’t use conditioner. Your hair is too short and it’s enough just to get into the shower let alone stand around for conditioner to do its job. The instructions tell you to “Indulge” during use, so be sure to bring in a can of beer to drink while you wait for the conditioner to work. Here’s the thing: your hair really is going to feel good after you use it. Are you going to buy $25 worth of hair cleaning products? Probably not.

2. Kiehl’s Ultimate Brushless Shave Cream

   Kiehl’s is some good stuff and this cream is pretty cool. It’s a long way from Barbasol, including its price ($16). I think if you are going to splurge on any of the products in this month’s box, make it this. The smell is kind of medicinal and it goes on thin. You shall no longer have facial hair and your gal will think you’re cool. Really, she’ll just think, “Finally. He doesn’t smell like my dad.” You don’t really want her thinking of her dad when you’re, uh, “around” do you?

3. Marvis Classic Mint Toothpaste

   If you want mint toothpaste, just go get some Aquafresh. Save your $10.50 and go buy some more beer to replace the ones you drank in the shower.

4. C.O. Bigelow My Favorite Lip Balm

   Remember when your lady friend drags you to the mall and into Bath & Body Works? You probably weren’t looking, but there’s a bunch of C.O. BIGELOW products in there. This lip balm is gonna make the ladies stare at your lips and want to kiss you, so be careful. Don’t put it on right before leaving
   your significant other. She might start asking questions. No good can come of that.
   Also, when you apply you can pretend you’re Jackie Chiles from Seinfeld, “Who told you to put the balm on? I didn’t tell you to put the balm on!” $7.50 is a good price for this sort of thing.

5. Barking Irons Brando Cut T-shirt

   Alright, so I’ll warn you. If you’re a bigger dude, you probably won’t like this shirt. It’s got high cut sleeves that angle out. If you’re better at hot dog curls than dumbbell curls, it might look weird on you. It’s for young Brando, not old Brando. Mine fits fine, but I’m interested to see if/how it shrinks the first time I wash it. It is soft and comfortable for floppin’ around the house. Plus you can where it outside where people won’t snicker at your original Xbox t-shirt. These go for $46 for a two pack and I could see getting more.

   UPDATE: After washing this shirt, it did shrink slightly. Mine is now too close to showing the world what I’m working with.

This month’s Birchbox was a solid effort. I appreciate that they put a t-shirt in there that they sized based on my account profile. Had I received an Extra Large, I would have been put off. The sample sizes, except for the shampoo and conditioner, were great. These are the sizes of samples that I want to see more of.

Now. Go forth and watch videos of Kate Upton dancing. Don’t forget to clear your browser cache. Better yet, use private mode. Who are we kidding, you already knew that. But she’ll never know.

Unless she reads this.